“A Way to Better Society”

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Two things I did well on this essay would be how I expanded on my ideas and my sentence fluency. I think I expanded quite a lot on my topics and ideas in the essay and this aided in proving my point and making my essay very persuasive. My sentence fluency also makes it very easy to read as well, I think this helped make my essay easy to follow.

What I would like to improve on next time is expanding even more on my topics and including more sources/quotes. Although I expanded very well on my topics, I think that even more expansion would make my essay even more persuasive. I think if I added more sources and quotes then that would allow people to understand even more deeply my ideas.