Tag Archives: NarrativeA

Narrative Essay Corrections

Help Is Not a Bad Thing

As I wake to the loud rumble of jet skis and boats on the lake I rejoiced that I am here: at my cabin. It is a place my family has built on the lake and undoubtedly my favourite place to go. This year was special.  This was the year I was going to learn how to wake board. I have been water skiing but never liked it very much, so I wanted to wakeboard. I went downstairs and looked out upon the lake.  It seemed as if it was glass, perfect conditions. I smelled the bacon and eggs my Grandma was cooking in the kitchen. Outside, I felt the fresh cool air. It was an amazing break away from the stress of school. I was struggling and saw no point in helping myself in fixing my grades. However, summer was here and none of that mattered. The annoying sound of the loud bell that signals your next class, busy hallways, and scary and stressful tests were now a thing of the past. Now I could enjoy the freedom.

I was very excited to start the day, but also nervous. I had never been on a wakeboard or even quite sure how to get up.  Nevertheless, I ran to tell my dad I was ready to try; he was as excited as I was. I took in the waves, crashing on the beach, from the gentle breeze. I got the wake board and walked onto the dock. As I put on my board and got into the slightly chilly water, my dad told me techniques to get up. I listened but still had very little understanding of how I was ever going to do this. The boat’s loud rumble and shaky dock didn’t help as I tried to focus on what I was about to do. As the boat moved forward, I yelled, “Hit it!” As fast as I popped out of the water, I fell straight back into it. Frustrated, I wanted to go again, so I did. Once more I fell. After multiple tries, I decided to take a break because it was painful on my forearms. Disheartened, I walked back ashore frustrated. A throbbing pain and tiredness throughout my arms were instilled for what seemed would last forever. Shame, embarrassment, and anger felt heavy on my shoulders. I’m going again, and I’m going to get up.

As a young child, full of pride, I didn’t listen to the instructions.  When my dad came up to me and said, “It’s ok, try later in the afternoon and you will get it.”  I shrugged it off as if I didn’t care but deep down this is something I wanted to be amazing at. My dad obviously knew what I was feeling so he tried to tell me different ways to get up, but, still, I didn’t listen. On the grass, I watched as my brother took his turn behind the boat.  He got up quickly and I was mad at myself.  If he could do it, why couldn’t I.  Myself, being very stubborn, wanted to face it alone when I could have used help.  In the afternoon, I tried again. Everything was the same, except this time, I went into the water face first. The pain felt like it was going to last a lifetime, stinging my whole face. The cold water only reminded me of my failure.

Through the pain, I realized that I am going to get smacked in the face over and over until I accepted help. The stinging was fading out, and I needed to try again. As I got on the dock once more, I attentively listened to my dad. “Keep your knees bent, stay in a ball form, and slowly rise up.”  The courage i felt from my dad’s pep talk and my rest of my family quickly rose. I yelled, “Go!” The boats engine revved. The rope tightened and pulled me through and then above the water. I soon realized that I was doing it. Thrilled and overjoyed, I was finally on my wake board.  I could hear the cheers from my family on the shore. From then on, every time I got up, I got better.  The angry emotions went away, replaced with enthusiasm, energy, and eagerness.

Summer had to end sometime. With school starting back up again, I knew I was in for a stressful year. A new grade, new courses and harder tests were in my future. During my break, I was too stubborn to get help, or at least try a different way. Going into the new school year, I knew what I needed to do. I took advice from wherever I could find it.  I told my parents right away when I struggled in school and needed help; something I was too afraid to admit the past year. As I started to learn how to help myself, I saw my whole life improve.  Seeing teacher’s pleased smile as I asked for help really encouraged me to know what I needed to do to succeed. I then knew that asking for help to overcome obstacles could help me learn how to manage and adapt to the future challenges that might come my way.

What i would work on next time:

Work on my passive and active voice.

Make my ideas flow to make sure the reader has a greater understanding of the point I am trying to get across.

Things i liked in my essay:

It was well structured layout making it easy for the reader to understand.

My ideas were able to be seen not hidden or a trouble to understand.