Society’s Corruption

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I’m proud of the mark that I got on this essay, I honestly wasnt expecting a very high mark or to be told that it was good so when i found out what I got I was really happy. I would like to improve on having a more clear and straightforward thesis statement and introduction in general. I would also like to improve on my transitions between different paragraphs because I think that will make my writing flow more and make more sense all together.