Street Pharm: Individual Project
Journal Entry #1
Today was a close call. My mom almost caught me chillin with Sonny. I think she’s starting to get suspicious. And that really worries me, I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. She still don’t know I’m a hustler, and she won’t find out anytime soon. I just know that if I tell her about my life, she won’t understand. If she found out, she would never let me outta her sight ever again. I’m being real careful about hiding this from her. I’m being careful like my life depends on it, cause it kinda does. But there’s always going to be a part of me that feels guilty. She’s my mom, I hate lying to her. But it’s what I have to do. I can’t let the guilt take over. I gatta keep my eyes on the prize. My dad and my friends are counting on me and I can’t let them down, I won’t let them down. I made a promise to my dad. I told him I would keep the business going. And now that he’s in jail, I have to keep it.
Journal Entry #2
Today I met the most amazing girl in class. Her eyes were crazy gorgeous. Her name was Alyse. Something about her name made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe this new school won’t be as bad as I though it would be. That one class we have together is by far my favourite. All of them other classes are aight but talking to Alyse made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. I felt this moment of relief. I felt like all of the other problems in my life where nonexistent. There was only one thing in the way of her becoming my boo. And that one thing is, my life. I couldn’t drag her into everything that I’m doin. She don’t know I’m a hustler, and I don’t intent on telling her anytime soon. She’s all about that simple life. And my life was far from simple. The last thing I needed was another person constantly on my back bout everything. With Sonny and dad counting on me I couldn’t let them down, especially cause of some girl.
Journal Entry #3
As I’m writing this, I’m currently in the hospital. I got shot. I got shot so quick I didn’t even see it coming. It’s like everything was in fast motion. The only thing I could think of was how quickly My blood started pouring on to the tile floor. I thought I was a goner to be honest. I though I wasn’t going to live through it. But I did. The next morning I woke up in a hospital bed which smelt like old lady’s. I was thinking of who could have shot me but the only person I kept coming back to was Darkman. He’s the only person who’s got motive. He wants me off the streets so he can have them all to himself. And he was willing to kill for that. The only thing running through my mind for the past couple of days was how unsafe I felt. This business is real dangerous and I guess I didn’t realize until now. One little bullet could take my whole life away. Something about that made me feel uneasy. And what if someone else got hurt during the drive by? What if someone died because of me? The guilt was already taking over, but all I kept telling myself is that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t shoot that gun, I didn’t kill anyone. But what was I gunna tell Alyse? There ain’t no way I’m going back to school anytime soon. Should I tell her the truth? There’s so many questions running through my head that nobody can answer for me.
Journal Entry #4
I told Alyse everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. I told her I was lying to her since day one. The thing is, I think it was the right thing to do. It was safer for her and Gavin if she was out of my life for good. Of coarse I’m gunna miss having her laying in my arms but I had to do it. She reacted exactly how I imagined it in my head. She stormed outta that hospital like she saw a ghost. My heart sank like the titanic when I saw the look on her face. She didn’t look sad, mad, or even surprised, she had the look on her face that was indescribable. The look of disappointed. All the faith she put in me went down the drain. All the feelings she had for me went down the drain. I honestly don’t know how I’m gunna get her out of my head, but I need to. If I don’t it could use jeopardize my business, everything I’ve worked so hard to get could be thrown away.
Journal Entry #5
I’ve made my decision. This decision could determine what the rest of my life is going to be like. This may be the wrong decision but I know that it’s what I have to do. I’m going to quit the business. I need to stand up to my dad and tell him I’m done. I can’t let him pull me back into the business. After i visit my dad and tell him. I need to win Alyse back. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. The look on her face when I told her I’m a hustler was indescribable. I don’t know how she could forgive me, after all the lies. All the things I didn’t tell her. If I was her I probably wouldn’t forgive MEE either. It’s gunna take more than a sorry to fix what I did. I have so many different things on my mind it feels like my brain is going to explode. I also need to try to get back into school. If I can’t get back into school then I don’t think I’m gunna have the future that I warnt.