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These two photos represent my thesis because it shows innocent children in a world corrupt by society choosing to enjoy what they have. On the left the toddler plays with his truck on the beach, he has good surroundings and has not been corrupted. On the right the little girl has seen corruption but has not been corrupted and chooses to stay good despite the cruel conditions she lives in.
One thing i am proud of:
I am proud of the way I was able to write this essay and get my argument across effectively. I tend to use more facts rather than arguing my point and I feel as though as I wrote this essay I tried hard to include enough argumentative points. I find it hard to write a persuasive essay and get my thoughts onto paper, I have often relied on use of detail so I am proud of the result. I did use a bit too much detail but I still included my point and argued it effectively, allowing myself room for growth.
Two things i want to improve:
The first thing I want to improve for future is my use of details in my writing. When writing I sometimes struggle to get my thoughts across and that causes me to add a greater amount of detail than I need to further my explanations. I often know what I want to say, however, when I am actually writing it I find it harder to word it the way I want to and that’s where I often go towards adding detail. In this particular essay I tried hard not to do this and although I think I am getting better I would like to and will work on improving this for future essays.
The second thing I want to improves is my grammar, I often mix up placement or forget commas and other punctuation. Although I have and still do practice grammar in school, I still am sometimes unsure of the correct punctuation. I would like to improve my grammar skills to avoid this, mature my writing and also avoid run on sentences which I may not notice at the time. Although I do proof read and check my work, I generally have mistakes and this is why grammar is something I want to continue improving.