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A New Chapter

Santa Barbara  

Brent got off the bus in Chicago and headed home. He wondered what it would be like; he had changed a lot since he last saw them. He could see his house in the distance, and when he finally got up to the door, he took a deep breath and knocked. He was not sure why he knocked? It was his house, but he felt like a stranger. Both his parents opened the door and took turns hugging him. His mom told him that they had just finished dinner and so he should go sit at the table. They sat and made small talk, but his parents did not ask about his trip at all. The air felt thin, and he was not sure what to do about it. 

After dinner he went to go unpack his stuff and when he walked into his room, he was overcome by a wave of nostalgia. It made him want to revert to his old self. He took out the whirligig photos and decided he would give them to Lea’s mom tomorrow and he also wanted to pay his respects to Lea by visiting her grave. The next day, he got up and got ready but as he looked around his room, he realized it did not reflect who he was anymore. He decided that later he would put up pictures of where he had been during his trip and where he still wanted to go. Once he was ready, he told his parents he was going to be gone most of the day and they did not ask where. It was like they did not know what to say to him. He did not know what to say either, so that worked for him. 

He took the bus. He had not driven since the accident and was scared to, but the bus was comforting to him now. It felt peaceful, almost like home. Once he got off the bus, he felt his heart start to race. He felt during his journey that he gotten to know Lea but seeing her family, seeing what he took from them, would be hard. Once he got to the house his heart almost exploded out of his chest. Brent walked up to the door and knocked. Lea’s mom opened the door and they locked eyes. She seemed to be surprised but not overly so. She was calm and said, “Hello Brent, when did you get back?” He froze for a second and then said,” I just got back yesterday. I want to give you the whirligig photos. I hope you like them?” It felt like an inappropriate thing to say. Why would she like them? It felt inadequate. 

She took her time looking at them. She studied each one for what seemed like forever. Then she said, “Thank you.”  She looked back down quickly, and Brent noticed the tears in her eyes, but she had slight smile on her lips. Brent then said, “A group of little kids helped me with this one,” and he pointed to it. He thought that might make her happy. 

“I was wanting to pay my respects to Lea. Where is she…. buried?” He stumbled over the last word. It seemed like the wrong thing to say. Lea’s mom said, “We put her ashes in among the roots of a tree and planted it in her favorite park, New Chester Park.” Brent liked that idea. It seemed appropriate and the idea of visiting a park appealed more to him then a cemetery. 

He did not know what else to say to her. The only thing that came to his mind was, “Thank you.” Again, she smiled a little bit. “I mean, thank you for everything. I know this cannot possibly be enough, but I have changed, I hope that helps in some way. That it…. I mean her death, wasn’t for nothing.” Again, he felt inadequate but the knowing in her eyes squelched that feeling immediately. “Good Brent,” she said, “I had a feeling it would.” She smiled once more and quietly closed the door. Brent turned and as he did, it felt like he shook off a boulder. But there was still more he had to do. Once he was out of view from the house, he gasped for air. It was like he forgot how to breathe while he was there. 

He then made the short walk to New Chester Park which was only 2 blocks away. Once he got to there, he looked around, but he did not know which tree it was. He should have asked Lea’s mom. He walked around for twenty minutes and then stood in the middle of the park. He knew it would be smaller and probably look freshly planted. This park was larger than he remembered and just when he was about to retrace his steps, he spotted the tree. The tree was one of the smallest at the park, but Brent knew it was the one. It was almost like Lea’s spirit was telling him that she was there. He walked over and sat under it. A sense of peace overcame him, and he teared up a little. 

He sat there for hours thinking about everything he knew he wanted to do. He needed to go back to school but he did not know if he would take anything away from it. His parents wanted him to go back to school, he knew that for sure. He thought about how if only he had asked for help, he may never have tried to kill himself and he would not be sitting under this tree paying his respects to the girl he killed. He pushed that thought aside. He had dealt with the “what-if’s” already; there was no point in doing it again. His mind went to the idea of helping others, especially teenagers. What if he could be the one to help people, so they do not try to kill themselves? He could go to schools around the world and help teens find outlets for support. He could share his story and it would be a tribute to Lea. It could be called the “Whirligig Foundation.” For the first time since that horrible night Brent felt truly hopeful and grounded. He got up and hugged the tree, “Thank you Lea,” he said. He raced home, anxious to tell his parents about his plan. 

 He slammed through the front door and found them huddled in what seemed like an important conversation. They stopped as soon as they saw him. Brent could not hold back. He launched into his plans with so much vigor that he took himself by surprise. His parents listened and did not say a word until he appeared to be done. There was a mixture of doubt and concern in their eyes, not the excitement and pride he expected. Just as he was about to start talking again his mom said, “You went on that trip because you had too. You’re not going to quit school and travel around the world for fun that’s not you!” Brent felt himself getting angry. How could he make them understand? “I’m not the same person anymore mom. I killed someone; I’ve changed.” Why couldn’t they see that? 

Brent ran to his room and slammed the door. He stood there trying to calm down and catch his breath. In that moment he realized something. They could not see that he had changed yet because they did not know the new Brent. He had been home less then 24 hours. He needed to prove to them that he was different and that was going to take some time. He went back to his parents and said, “I’m sorry I flipped out. I was excited and for the first time in forever, I felt like I had a purpose. I want to start the Whirligig Foundation. I will start at schools in Chicago and that way I can still go to school at the same time. Is that okay?” He could tell his parents had already seen a bit of the new Brent in the way I had just handled this situation. In the past, I would have never come out of my room with an apology and a compromise. 

They agreed and they shared a group hug. He finally started feeling like they were on his side. He then ran to his room and started planning. He decided that the best school to speak at first is Lea’s school. He spent that week making a PowerPoint presentation and a speech. He then called the school and asked if they would be willing to let him speak, and they said yes. Brent was overjoyed! He was going to present on Thursday, 3 days away so he locked himself in his room and practiced. The night before, he could barely sleep. Thursday morning came and he put on a nice suit and took the bus to school. As he set up in the gym, he could feel the anxiety rising in him. He watched all the teens file in. He took a deep breath and said, “Hi, I’m Brent and I’m here to tell you, my story. Raise your hand if you knew a girl named Lea.” He saw a bunch of students and teachers raise their hands and the realization of who he was passed across some of their faces. “In May of this year I was coming home from a party. I was depressed and I had drunk before I got behind the wheel of my car. I tried to kill myself but ended up killing Lea.” In that moment he felt a calm come over him and he believed that Lea was with him as he spoke. 

He could tell everybody was shocked that he spoken so openly, and they seemed to listen attentively. Brent felt like he had run a marathon and collapsed into a deep sleep when he got home. It was the best sleep he had experienced in so long. Tomorrow he would find another school to go to and keep at it until he ran out of schools. When he woke up the next morning and checked his phone, he saw that the foundation was blowing up on social media! Schools would be reaching out to him it looked like. Brent was so happy. Throughout the rest of the year, he spoke at many schools in Illinois and the foundation grew. After he completed high school, Brent decided that now was the time to spread out and he travelled to schools around the world. It was during a stop in Vancouver, BC a few years later he met a girl named Sarah. His life changed again that day. They got married and had two children together. The foundation grew and became one of the biggest in the world. They helped so many kids and Brent went to therapy to keep moving forward in his life. Even though he was a changed person, he knew that sharing his feelings with somebody he trusted was important to his mental health. His family lived in Santa Barbara, California and one year he decided to take them to see the four whirligigs he had built for Lea. They all looked weathered, and a bit beat up, but they had withstood everything and were all where he had put them. They were strong, just like him.