I think my intro to the story was pretty well done. It told a little about what my story is about without spoiling anything and i think that it was a pretty good hook. I tried using colons, which I rarely use but was able to use it correctly. Another thing i did well was how I left cliff hangers at the end of the paragraphs to engage the readers more. I know that I didn’t follow the Hero’s Journey very well. I couldn’t think of anything that can be used as a Hero’s Journey in my life, and besides, if I tried to use something that wasn’t this interesting, I wouldn’t have enjoyed writing this at all. I also rambled on about unnecessary details before getting to the main part of the story, and should also work on the “show don’t tell” part.