Persuasive Essay Corrections

The Power of Leading With Love

Who is a more effective leader? One that leads with love or one that leads with fear? In the novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding, a group of young school boys survive a plane crash but face the struggle of survival. As the boys stray away from civilization they are faced with many conflicts. Two boys, Ralph and Jack, emerge as the main leaders. They both have different views on how the island should be organized. Ralph is civil and Jack is savage. Ralph is a more effective leader because he leads with love. Based on the many conflicts and unfortunate events the boys face, Ralph handles the them with insight and maturity.

When it comes to how the island is run, Ralph does everything in his power to preserve all forms of civilization. Initially, when the boys first crash onto the island, he finds a conch shell and blows into it, assembling a meeting. As the story line progresses, the conch is used as a device symbolizing freedom of speech and civilization. Whoever held the conch had the right to speak in these meetings. In any case, this helps the boys keep order on the island. Ralph strongly believed in enforcing rules: “We ought to have more rules. Where the conch is, that’s a meeting” (pg.42.) In a civil world, there are rules and punishments. According to Golding’s beliefs, all humans are born evil; the only thing stopping them from committing evil acts is law and consequences. Ultimately, in order to create a civil island, Ralph also believes they needed order. Ralph try’s to go back to civilization by maintaining the fire in an effort to get passing ships to notice and save them. In Ralph’s opinion “The fire is the most important thing on the island. How can we ever be rescued except by luck, if we don’t keep the fire going” (pg.31.) This shows that his priority is to get off the island; he can see that the boys like to play because they are having fun without adults but reasonably, they can’t stay there forever.

Contrary to how Jack only focuses on hunting, Ralph always looks at everyone’s needs and finds ways to support them. Even through his frustration from the lack of help he receives from his peers, his love for them shines through as he always does the tough jobs: “I work all day with nothing but Simon and you come back and don’t even notice the huts” (pg.55.) Generally, Ralph’s actions go unnoticed but that doesn’t stop him from making huge contributions to the needs of the boys. Ralph does his best to organize the boys into groups in order to efficiently complete needed tasks: “‘I’m chief,’ says Ralph, ‘because you chose me. And we were going to keep the fire going. Now you run after food’” (pg.137.) Without Ralph, the boys would only focus on having fun and not on survival; Jack is only focused on playing and killing whereas Ralph focuses on everything.

Furthermore, Ralph views communication as a necessary aspect needed on the island for their survival. Ralph continues to enforce how important communication is in order to be civilized. The conch was the most sufficient form of communication. It enables them to come together for meetings. As Ralph explains, “He can hold it when he’s speaking and won’t be interrupted” (pg.33.) This is a system Ralph came up with. The conch represents the power of speech and civilization. Ralph thought of this idea so everyone can have their ideas be heard. Ralph also has the idea to have one leader on the island. Essentially, this is important because without a leader, there would be a huge conflict of ideas. After talking to the boys, Ralph decided that “Seems to me we ought to have a chief to decide things” (pg.12.) The idea of having a leader and using the conch shell shows how Ralph searches for order in everything.

Despite all of Ralph’s positive qualities, some may argue that Jack is a more effective leader because more people choose to follow him. Jack uses fear to rule the boys. He leads the boys through manipulation. The boy’s fear the beast and Jack fantasizes it which warps their perception of reality. He also tortures Sam and Eric and forces them to join his tribe. There were so many areas of needs on the island; Ralph realizes that without shelter and food, there would be no chance of survival whereas Jack creates another problem from his figment of imagination and pleasure of killing.

Without a doubt, Ralph is a more effective leader because he leads with love and he looks after all areas of need. He takes action on what the boys need in order to survive and has the most mature point of view out of anyone on the island. He implements his plans and takes action on making a positive difference on the island. He is the only level-headed leader who thinks about using a fire to be rescued, building huts that will protect them from storms and finding a reliable source of food; these are all aspects of life that are important for the boys survival.

Works Cited

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Coward-McCann, 1962. Print.

Name Controversy Corrections

Name Controversy

Team names targeting Native American stereotypes should not be changed. Although there is a lot of controversy surrounding the names and logo’s of certain sports teams, according to a Washington Post poll, only 23% of native Americans wanted controversial sports teams names aimed at them to be changed. In a lot of cases, non native American people are speaking on behalf of native Americans on what they believe is respectful instead of actually listening to them and their ideas. In fact, the Washington Redskins name and logo was once created by someone of native American descent. It was not created to bash and harm First Nations people; contrary to popular belief, it was meant to do the opposite: show pride and resilience. “I’m proud of being Native American and of the Redskins,” said Barbara Bruce, a Chippewa teacher. People tend to interpret ideas in the wrong way. The only way to respect the Native American people is to listen to them. If they say they are fine with the name, there is no reason it should be changed. If it doesn’t affect First Nations people, why should it affect everyone else? An example is when NBC sportscaster, Bob Costas, claimed the Redskins name is “an insult, a slur, no matter how benign the present-day intent.” Whereas in the video produced by “Redskins Facts” on Youtube titled “Redskins Reservations Interview,” none of the people on that certain first nations reserve seemed bothered by that name. Overall, the name should not be changed. It is part of their history and branding and, it is not negatively impacting first nations as much as many people believe.

Sources:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40SFqadRTQ0

https://www.washington post.com/local/a-brief-history-of-the-word-redskin-and-how-it-became-a-

source-of-controversy/ 2016/05/19/062cd 618-187f-11e6-9e1 6-2e5a123aac62_ story.html? utm_term=.ee490

 

http:// www.espn.com/ nfl/story/_/id/ 15608840/native- americans-say- unbothered- redskins-team- name- washington-post- poll

Narrative Essay Corrections

My Second Home

As I mounted up the long flight of stairs, I absorbed my surroundings. It’s as if time stopped in that moment. I could smell, hear and see; but I couldn’t move. I was in awe. I turned to my mom as she said, “This feeling never gets old.” The reflection of the lingering sunrise casted on the old, deteriorated buildings, the busyness of the city as everyone rushed past me, and the sound of ear-splitting sirens and cars honking their horns as they swerved through traffic. My heart was so full.

My legs were sore after the long, red eye flight, my eyes heavy with fatigue and my stomach growling from hunger. I lugged my ponderous bags behind me, pulling myself to street level. The frigid wind rushed through my hair. I took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh Parisian air. I took in my surroundings: I was finally here. I instantly knew how hard it would be to leave. This was my new home. Getting on the flight in Vancouver, being completely indoors for almost 20 hours, and finally being outdoors in a completely different environment was surreal. Is this real life? I thought to myself, or am I in a dream. I was whisked away into the fast-moving crowd of distracted tourists, bustling business people and local families on their way to school. Everybody was in their zone. Places to be, people to see and things to do. But it felt as if time stopped for me and all distractions were sucked away as my eyes drew themselves towards the Eiffel Tower. The way the light reflected off of it as it glimmered in the sunshine took my breath away.

Being in Paris is like being in a constant open air museum. The perfect balance between a modern city with a deep sense of rich history. I already knew I would have to stay longer than a few weeks to fully let the culture soak in. But I was able to dip my toes in during the time I visited. Trying to decode the strong accents when the locals spoke French, navigating my way around the city and, trusting my 5 years of French immersion were some of the challenges I faced. The diversity, warm pastries and effortless Parisian style made me fall in love with the city instantly. The inexplicable feeling of joy filled my body. I felt like a little kid in a giant candy shop. But this candy shop had many aisles to explore. Too many. All the unexplored boutiques, bakeries and museums left me feeling overwhelmed. Knowing there were only so many places I could visit during my time in the city and all the hidden gems I would be missing crushed me.

I constantly miss the feeling Paris gives when my family goes. The transition from rolling out of bed and tiredly strolling to a small, family owned bakery and demolishing a whole fresh baguette, to coming home and having cereal every morning is defiantly not an easy one. The endless photo opportunities and being able to find beauty in every little Parisian street makes me want to find adventure in everything.

But in the blink of an eye, it happened. The dreaded ending. As I lugged myself to the metro station, I took in every last moment, cherishing my last few minutes. “Do we have to go?” I asked my mom, hoping there was the slightest chance she would say no. But the inevitable happened. As I took my first step down towards the metro, I took one last breath of fresh Parisian air in. I looked around, acknowledging the fact that everyone around me would be continuing their lives in Paris and I? I was just an observer. Just a tourist. Nothing more. I bought my ticket to this museum and it was my time to leave. As I lifted my foot to take another step down, everything blurred out around me and I noticed something: The Eiffel Tower. It was glowing as the last moments of the sunset dipped down into the painted sky. Just like that, I was whisked down the stairs with the crowd. The crowd of distracted tourists, bustling business people and local families on their way to school. As I glided onto the metro, doors closing right behind me, my trip came to an end but, the memories remind me to find beauty in everything and appreciate the little moments because, before you know it, they will all come to an end.

 

  1. I want to improve on combining and making my essay more fluent. I also want to work on creating more imagery.
  2. I think I did a good job on creating metaphors and adding details to describe Paris.