Narrative Essay – Close Encounter-20deuvx
2 things I did well:
-I picked a good story with a good purpose
-I have good grammar and sentence fluency
2 things I could improve on:
-I could use more imagery to show my story rather than tell
-Get more relevant details and be more concise
2 things I did well:
-I integrated the quotes from the sources well and picked the right ones to support my arguments!
-My conclusion is well written and I left off by wrapping up my idea but also leaving one last point to make it more interesting.
2 things I could improve on:
-I could improve on my hook and think more about it when starting my essay
-I could try using less commas and making my sentences more concise
My corrected essay:
Compare and Contrast Essay-1dlxz12
The Germans fled once they knew they were losing. I went in to take a photo of the poor Jews and I saw the result of what those Nazis were doing. It was terrible, all of them were so skinny, their bones were practically popping out of their skin. All this time they hadn’t eaten a decent amount of food, starving, on the brink of death. Their wooden bunk beds creaked constantly as they moved. If they moved, most of them were practically dead. On top of this they layed their heads on metal dishes when they slept. They had no real pillows and only the little amount of grey, dirty clothes on their backs to cover them. I felt cold shivers just looking at them; however, those cold shivers contrasted with the warm musty feeling in the room with all these body’s crammed together. The cold warmth combines with the foul stench of urine, feces, sweat and worst of all, death. As I took the picture, I felt horrified and disgusted at the evil people behind this.
We all know the Finch’s, a family of fine folks who live in Maycomb county. Atticus is a simple lawyer who takes care of his children Jem and Scout as a single father. Scout is a young tomboy who’s ready to pick a fight when someone’s not right and her older brother Jem is reasonable and kind. Jem is also brave in many ways as he won’t turn down a dare but also understands what it means to have real courage. They are pretty cool as they are but they’re just regular people. What if these fine folks, had superpowers?
1.) I believe that, if Atticus had a superpower it would be related to his wisdom and great intelligence. That’s why I chose a power associated with the brain for Atticus. Even though he is the deadest shot in maycomb county, I think that his wisdom overpowers his amazing hand-eye coordination. The power I chose, is telepathy, or the power to read minds and communicate silently. http://otakusphere.com/2011/06/11/x-men-episode-9-its-the-telepathy-stupid/
2.) In Scout’s case, I think Super Strenght would be fitting. This is because Scout isn’t one to really think it through before getting into a fight or defending her father. Also when she’s upset or mad she always shows it; she definitly does not bother hiding her feelings. Another reason I picked this power for Scout is because I can definitly imagine her accidentally punching a tree down when she’s angry. http://fr.durarara.wikia.com/wiki/Shizuo_Heiwajima
3.) Finally, for Jem, I had to think hard because I couldn’t think of anything right away that would suit him. After I thought for a bit I realized that he has a great sense of bravery, from the beginning of the novel when he wouldn’t turn down a dare, to the end where he learned, from Atticus, another meaning of courage. To represent his bravery I chose pyrokinesis, or the ability to control fire.http://fairytail.wikia.com/wiki/Natsu_Dragneel_%26_Gajeel_Redfox_vs._Sting_Eucliffe_%26_Rogue_Cheney
Stepho’s Souvlaki Greek Taverna Offers a Big Plate of Greece With a Side of Great Experiences
You may have to wait a while to be seated, but the fantastic Greek experience coming is worth it. Stepho’s Souvlaki Greek Taverna is pleasant and cozy due to the warmth flowing from the people conversing as plates and forks clink. Stepho’s is a lovely place to bring family for plenty of delicious food. It’s also a great place to bring a date and get to know each other in this perfect “candle-lit dinner for two” setting. The restaurant is beautifully decorated with Greek themed plates and little sculptures which really bring the vibe of Greece. The wonderful view of the street in Vancouver through the wide window also helps brighten the restaurant during the day. Not only do they give you enough food to satisfy hunger for the night but it tastes divine. The juicy, savoury lamb skewers with a refreshing Greek salad on the side along with scrumptious potato wedges and the beautifully well cooked rice are one of the best reasons to live. The crunchy bread crumb shell with the chewy squid inside the calamari (with tzatziki sauce to dip it in) is a well made decision when it comes to choosing an appetizer. I’ve tried calamari from other restaurants but Stepho’s is by far the reigning champion. It may take time for your food to make its way to you but it’s definitely worth the wait. Once you feel the warm plate full of food there’s no going back. The waiters and waitresses always serve you with a smile and are very polite. They bring complimentary mints with the bill to freshen breath or just to enjoy as a small treat. Speaking of the bill, the prices are affordable and justly match the amount and tastiness of the food as well as the great experience. I have been to this restaurant on many occasions, such as birthdays or family members visiting and each of my experiences there were amazing. I always want to go back there to create more great memories with the people I love and of course, to enjoy my favourite menu items.
(photo credit: http://www.foodspotting.com/places/61186-stepho-s-souvlaki-greek-taverna-vancouver)