2 things I did well:
-I integrated the quotes from the sources well and picked the right ones to support my arguments!
-My conclusion is well written and I left off by wrapping up my idea but also leaving one last point to make it more interesting.
2 things I could improve on:
-I could improve on my hook and think more about it when starting my essay
-I could try using less commas and making my sentences more concise
My corrected essay: