Travel to the beyond in 66 seconds

One, two, three, four, five… six.

I lose all control of my body. My life goes by in slow-motion as I feel myself sinking into the dark earth and watch the sky vanish into the distance. My legs buckle from the lack of oxygen in my body, my eyes roll into my head, and my eyelids shutter to a close.

I was 14 years old when I went on a 10-day cycling and camping outing with an accumulation of around 50 fellow scouts, all from various troops across the Fraser Valley.  The camp started with spending 2 nights in Camp McLean, a welcoming and sizable campground in Langley operated by Scouts Canada, then cycling 50 km from Langley to Tsawwassen and spending a night in a grubby trailer park. Looking at the collection of our tents, all different colors and sizes, one could’ve mistaken our campsite for a festive carnival in the midst of all the dull and mundane trailers.

The next day included a brief bike expedition to the Tsawwassen Terminal, where we rode a two-hour long ferry to Salt Spring Island, one of the Gulf Islands off the shore of Vancouver Island.  Our final campsite was a vast grassy field on the opposite side of the island but the journey there was awfully windswept and mountainous.

The first few days at the campsite were seemingly rather ordinary; sloppy and disorganized campmates plundering through others’ food rations and playing “manhunt” in the forest. However, on the fifth day, people started entertaining themselves by… making themselves faint.

Yes, you heard that right. This was a dare, and because it was being performed by other people at the camp, it seemed OKAY for me to do it as well. You may ask, “how did this start?” Well, it was a normal day, our squad had just finished their lunches and were sitting around the campfire. I leave to clean my plate and to get my backpack ready for the afternoon ride, which was in a couple hours. When I come out of my tent, to my surprise, they were all still sitting around the campfire, rather than playing manhunt in the forest. In fact, a small crowd was accumulating around the fire.  An individual was confessing his method of getting out of class. He says, “Alright, you take big and fast breaths for 30 seconds standing up, then you crouch on the ground and do the same thing for 30 more seconds, then you stand up real fast and hold your breath.”

“We take big and fast breaths like this?” I begin to hear chaotic and confused gasping around me like I was surrounded by a middle school junior band.

“Even faster, like you’re panting.”

“Okay, so what is this supposed to do?”

“You pass out in front of your teacher, and then you ask to go home.”

We gather around the tents, someone volunteers their sleeping mat as a cushion for the “fainted” and the rest of us form a circle around the mat. The boy who initiated this goes first. He walks to the center of the ring. We watch as he starts panting like a dog. He crouches and continues his breathing. After another 30 seconds, he stands up and doesn’t move. Just before we begin to question the validity of his tactic, he falls backwards and the kids behind him catch him before he hits the ground. Before they have time to lay him on the ground, he gains consciousness again and stands back up, only looking slightly more fatigued.  Someone behind me asks, “What just happened?”

“I fainted, duh.” The kid replies.

“But you were only out for a couple seconds.”

“A couple seconds is enough to get you out of class. Who wants to go next?”

Over the course of half an hour, around ten kids to volunteer to pass out. One after another, they pass out, get back up, and the next person repeats the process. Soon people begin to get bored and leave to pack their bags for the bike ride, and in no time, the gathering only consisted of me and another boy. “What did you think of that?” I ask him.

“I dunno, do you want to try it?” He replies.

At the time, the consequences of making myself pass out by cutting off the oxygen to my brain did not occur to me, but I was overwhelmed by the curiosity that had been building in my head. The fact that there was no sleeping mat on the ground anymore, or a group of kids to catch me when I fell, began to seem vague, and eventually erased itself from my mind. I started to take the big and fast breaths while counting to 30, just like I had been practicing. I crouched to the ground and continued the breathing. After a minute of breathing, I stood up and held my breath.

One, two, three, four, five… six.

I lost all control of my body. My life went by in slow-motion as I felt myself sinking into the dark earth and watched the sky vanish into the distance. My legs buckled from the lack of oxygen in my body, my eyes rolled into my head, and my eyelids shuttered to a close.

I had passed out. However, what happened after that, I could not explain. I attempted to recede myself to the heart of the human soul, where the Buddhists and Hindus tell us where all our inner contentment springs from. The quest took me down a river curtained by glass vines and geometries from other universes where the circumference is nowhere, and the center is everywhere.

There it was. Finally. Peace of mind. Waiting in the distance. When I came to peace of mind at last, there was a note there instead, and the note read: “Buckle up, Buckaroo.”

Speech, motor control, memory, it all went out the window. As my mind fell apart like soggy bits of cake, I stopped trying to stay sane and gave in. Dead relatives appeared before me, desperately trying to say something but unable to speak. I saw myself as an older man, then an old man, and then a dead man. I desperately looked for an “I” or “me” on the inside and found none. Nothing to hold on to, just atoms pretending to be a person and finally, I was just a mind floating in space. There was no history, no future. It had always been like that, I knew. I’d only been dreaming of being a human this whole time, and now, I was alone, again. Back in the real universe, where the only physical constants were unrelenting horror and infinite nothing in all directions. It had no beginning. It had no end. I would spend an eternity like this. “Yo,” said a voice.

“Who’s that?” I said.

“This is your sub-subconscious, look, just chill out. Since we have almost infinite time here, we’re going to spend some of it making sure you don’t make such a dumb mistake again. Don’t be a silly sausage and suffocate your brain. It’s your brain, be smart. If you’re gonna go along and do something stupid anyway, make sure it’s with people you trust, not just some kid who just happened to be standing beside you.”

“Why? What did he do?”

“That goon? He missed your arms and dropped you on your way down. You hit your head on the ground pretty hard.”

“Oh…”

“You will be normal again soon. Yes, the world is suddenly very confusing and even scary, but, to be honest, before you passed out, the world was equally confusing and scary, you just had lots of time to get used to that version. Besides, this one will be gone soon anyway. Be cool. Everything’s gonna be okay. Also, stop eating frozen chips out of the bag, you freak!”

“Thanks,” I said, “that was- “

Everything faded to black. Suddenly, I was blinded by the sunlight from the real world. There were a couple people standing over me. “Are you okay? You hit your head pretty hard on the way down.”

“Yeah, you’re heavy.”

“I know.” I replied.

“That was great!” I thought to myself as I got up, “but I probably don’t want to do that ever again… I won’t be skipping class anytime soon.”