I’m sure everyone here gets anxious, especially during a time like right now approaching the end of the school year, or maybe you get anxious when you go out to meet new people, or maybe even when you go out to play your favourite sport. Whatever it may be, everybody gets anxious.
So hopefully, I can relate with most of you with what I’m about to rant a bit about: just being anxious.
So, here we go.
I woke up today, and what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Well, a few things I should avoid talking about, but if were keeping this PG, it’s having to perform this fricken’ spoken word.
And as I’m up here speaking, I’ll probably be thinking about how I need to stop shaking, or how I should breathe slower. (Yup, *Breathes slower*)
This is my composure pretty much every day. I can’t name many moments when I’m not overthinking every scenario that could possibly happen today, or tomorrow, or even a situation that happened like 12 years ago like, come on man! It’s over!
It’s these thoughts that I wake up with which turn into my mentality throughout the whole day, and sometimes my mentality for a couple of days. And I could go on for a millenium about how utterly debilitating it is to be constantly worried about a science test I took 4 months ago, when it’s time for me to present a rant.
Like here’s an example. When I want to take a hot shower, I could be thinking about the imaginary beef I have 20 years from now with a 50-year-old Lindsay Lohan, and I’ll still be buzzing of anxiety, because she said I look like a raggedy Monchichi.
Or maybe let’s give this one a try. A typical family dinner, and mom asks me what I did today. Instead of me being able to talk about how I may have done a decent job on a test, its like my whole hippocampus gets Thanos’d *click*, and all I can muster up is “I don’t feel so good…”
It’s often quite the task for me to even get up from my desk to toss a granola bar wrapper into the trash without being alert of the fact that I’m walking odd, or am I?
I’ve even been anxious of falling asleep fearing I’ll be anxious in my dream, rendering me anxious when I wake up, leading to the repeating relentless routine of being atrociously and abhorrently anxious.
Anxiety has been my single greatest nemesis, like Kryptonite to Superman, or Taco Bell to the digestive system. It REALLY does blot out my mind and has morphed into some sort of James P. Sullivan I’m afraid I could never get rid of, not even in my dreams.
Anxiety for me combines a plethora of natural feelings like: fear, insecurity, or stress; and bundles them all up in to a cute itty bitty little Christmas cracker that I get to pop open every morning. It holy-hand-grenades all of my hopes and dreams!
I wish I could help it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try. I wish I could sit back, take a breath, and crash. Oh what I wouldn’t do to be relaxed, but all I can do is act. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I HATE BEING ANXIOUS! But I gotta live with it so it’s cool, I GUESS.
Something I did well: I was able to express how I felt and incorporate true emotion into my spoken word. I wrote something I had a passion towards and had a passion to present. The presentation part was made much easier because of the fact that my spoken word was based on daily thoughts of mine, which allowed me to speak in a conversational manner to better put my message forward.
Something I would do next time: I wanted to add more poetic devices into my poem; however, since I wanted my spoken word to be like more of a conversation than a structured poem, I couldn’t exactly incorporate as many poetic devices as I would have liked to. Spend time practicing across the matter of a week rather than a matter of one or two days.