The document would not embed into this post, So I had to take screenshots of them and put it in here. All of the correction advice you gave me was tried to be imputed into this correction page of my narrative.
“Show not tell”
“Start a new paragraph when there is a new dialogue”
“Don’t repeat the same words”
“Don’t make the dialogue awkward’
I tried my best to make the changes.
In this post, I included both pages of lyrics, the theme statement, the meaning, the song cover, and the photo of the artists.I tried to remove all swear words involved in the song.
Lyric Page #2
Theme statement – In order to forget about past breakup and hardship, you must use words and create music to find the beauty in hard times.
Meaning – Some main points I made were that the main corus has most of it consisting at a 1,2,1 rhyme scheme. It shows a lot of repetition. the lyrics talks from different perspectives during different parts of the song. It seems to be talking about a girl he was in a relationship that had committed suicide and how he is trying to cope with it but the memories keep coming back. He seems to repeat the same lyrics twice during the song to make sure that the listener or reader of the lyrics knows that he can’t stop thinking about what happened to her and he can’t deal with it anymore. It also shows that he is trying to take the blame for some of what happened to her ; “I hate myself’ “I want to F*cking end it” “having conversations about my haste decisions”
The point of view I used is
from the police officer (Limited omniscient)
Walking into the house was very pleasant. His smile stressed across his face in delight as if we were tourists from another country. He lead us into the house and we let him know we were here because there were complaints of screaming next door. He seemed especially energetic at this time of the morning. he took us through the house standing with a straight posture and an energetic vibe. There was no way there was something bad going on, he seemed harmless and we didn’t even bother inspecting much of the house. He brought us to his bedroom where he placed a seat for himself and for us as well. “What a well mannered man!” all of us exclaimed. He brought us some tea and us officers had a great time laughing and having fun drinking our tea. I glanced back at him only to see him sweating and fidgeting all around. he seemed in stress and suddenly jumped to his feet with his arms flexing and face red screaming “Vilans! Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! Tear up the planks! Here, Here! It is the beating of his hideous heart!” We got up and saw what we would never imagine.