I think two things I could improve on is adding more detail to my evidence to make it more clear and make it a stronger point and also adding more quotes to support each piece of evidence I give. Two things I felt I did well are the mechanics of my essay along with my transitions.
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2 things I think I did well was speaking infront of the class and trying to emphasize certain things to get my point across, 2 things I would change are being more memorized and having more movement like hand gestures to really make it seem more like a conversation then a speech. I had a writers block really bad and I didn’t know what to write so I change the style of writing for my speech to see which style suits my topic best
I think the things I did well in my essay are following the hero’s journey and having good cliff hangers. I feel that I followed the hero’s journey pretty well because it was just something I kept in my mind as I was writing, and I felt I left good cliff hangers at the end of my paragraphs to try and interest the reader even more.
I feel the things I need to work on are making my story overall more engaging because even though I think I had good cliff hangers I think that some parts of my story are “dead wood” meaning that it’s unnecessary and not that interesting to read, another thing I need to work on is being less direct because in this narrative essay it was about showing not telling and I think that I was too direct on different parts of the story and it didn’t make the reader wonder.
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The theme of this story to me is perseverance because the protagonist was so sad because he didn’t make the team and even though he didn’t bounce back right away, and lost interest he found his fire again and tried out again and learned many lessons along the way. I learned that maybe sometimes you need a down fall or a defeat in your life to learn new lessons and be a better person. I learned that I really like making the most of things, even if it doesn’t go my way. Every defeat in my life can be a way for me to learn and become a better person, I realised that things really do happen for a reason.
In the Sandy Hook video “Evan” by sandthookpromise.org, a boy named Evan was randomly writing on a table one day. He wrote “I AM BORED”. The next day he went and sat in the exact same seat and saw that someone had replied saying, “Hi Bored, nice to meet you”. As the school year went by they had conversations by writing on the table back and forth. As Evan was talking to this person and trying to find out who it was, in the background of the video you see a kid that keeps looking at guns and possibly planning a shooting. On the last day of school as everyone was signing year books Evan and the person finally met, as they were talking, the gym doors opened and a guy with a coat and a duffel bag walks in, drops the bag and all you hear is the sound of his gun cocking back and firing. We should be aware that gun violence is real, some people are just fixated on violence along with negative things in the world. Of course we never think it’s going to happen, but we should have the knowledge and awareness that it’s a possibility. Humans can be oblivious, careless and distracted, there are a million things going on around us everyday yet we don’t even notice a third of them, we need to learn to look at the bigger picture instead of always paying attention to every small detail. This video shows that when we’re so caught up in trivial things, they’re so many different things going on around us, we can be the ones to witness something amazing, we can be the ones to prevent something bad from happening, if we notice the things around us we can be the change.
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