We all have a voice in our mind that tells us what we don’t want to hear. I discovered mine when I began at a new school at nine years old. I had always been quite a timid child, but soon enough it wasn’t because I was quiet, but it was because I wasn’t confident. You can’t do that, you’re terrible, the voice would speak each time I tried something new. When I would try and approach a group of people that I had never really spoke to, I’d hear the voice say, Do you REALLY think they want to talk to YOU? Now, as a teenage girl, the voice has become even stronger. The voice comes to haunt me every time I look into the mirror. You look terrible in that, it says as it pinpoints every single one of my flaws. All of them! The voice in my head is currently stronger than it has ever been. But now that I am aware of the voice, I have become even stronger. I can thank a recent event for that.
It was the end of summer vacation 2017. And my best friend, Sophia and I decided to end it in the best way possible: going to our first music festival. The weather had not caught onto the fact that it was September. That being said, a heat wave ran through the crowds of people causing each one of us to break a sweat. The sky was as blue as the cotton candy melted on children’s tongues as they anticipated their first concert. Looking up to the sky also had us looking up at the sky-high rides of the attractions at the amusement park next to where the festival was being held. And if you looked really closely, you could see tiny people scared of their minds as they spun like a record on a record player.
The concert began with a singer neither of us had ever heard of. The bass vibrated in sync with my heartbeat. Concerts are where I can always find absolute happiness. But this time had been a little different. During an intermission is when things got a bit rough. It began when Sophia started speaking about her friend who doesn’t care about anything unless it has popularity. I noticed that Sophia changed lots since the day I met her. She began talking about things that she never even use to think about. We had become friends when we were in the 7th grade. Her ability to not worry about what others thought or said about her compared to my overthinking of everything is what sprouted our friendship. However, she did have a history of being a target of bullying…
“You care so much about what people think of you now,” I confessed. “You never used to.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I’m tired of getting bullied,” she spat back.
I found that the difference between the lives of Sophia and I was that her bullies were people that she knew while mine was internal. Mine was myself. Sophia was scared about what other people thought about her, because she was afraid of getting made fun of. I finally knew the reason why she had become obsessed with being a people pleaser.
Even though what we had said to each other had stayed in mind, we tried to ignore it and enjoy our time spent there. The last performance of the night had been by one of my favorite musicians, Alessia Cara. Before one of her well-known songs; Scars to Your Beautiful, which is about self-love, she said something that resonated completely with not only our argument, but the mindset I’ve during my life.
“I know that there’s a lot of us, that don’t feel as though we’re good enough” Alessia said. Although she was speaking to hundreds in a crowd, I felt as though she was talking to me personally. “I don’t want to get too emotional because for a long time, in my life, I felt as though I wasn’t good enough.” For a moment, it felt like I was hearing my own voice speak. I had resonated so much with what she was saying.
“So, I wanted to make this song for anyone who feels less than, or who feels judged for who they are, that it is possible to make it in the world.” Less than? How did she know that’s how I felt? Judged for who they are? That’s how Sophia felt.
“That’s exactly what I needed right now” I said to Sophia, my eyes still fixed onto the stage in awe.
“Me too” she agreed. In that moment, I realized my life is like a puzzle that I’m trying to figure out. I am in no rush to complete it, however, that night I felt some of the puzzles pieces coming together.
I know that what she said, had probably been said a million times before, but that night, when Alessia said it, it felt as though it came at the perfect time; when we both needed it. I learnt a lot on that day. Because of that, I know I’ll never forget.
What did do you think you did good?
I think that the situation I chose meant a lot to me and I did a good job of showing how important it was for me and exactly how I felt.
What didn’t you do well?
I was really indecisive about my topic since it was something that happened so recently so there were a lot of times when I was on the verge of changing the topic. Because of this, it had me really confused and a bit behind at times.