I’m gonna level with you, I have no idea how to correct my grammar because evidently I’m straight trash at it, if you wouldn’t mind looking at it in class and explaining to my what I’m supposed to do with it that’d be awesome. That is the largest problem with my writing. I really have no idea what’s wrong with a lot of the things circled.
So yeah my 2 things I’d like to improve is my Grammar because I dont know how to write well. Because I have to pick a second one, it’s a really small error, but I guess just overall catchiness of the hook. Everything else perfect though.
The things I did great are: my arguments are well thought out and dont have big weak points, not to mention I say it with authority and incredible vocabulary. My points are also varied and cover the obvious weak points of the “leading with love” philosophy that I defended beautifully. as with the spoken word I’d still say it deserves AT LEAST an 8.6 because the only real problem with it is the overall writing mechanics in terms of grammar and quote integration but those small errors dont strip away from the readability of the essay and the insanely fleshed out arguments that are well backed by real world evidence that show empirically that I’m right.