Corrected essay (corrections are in red font):    Synthesis Essay

2 things I’m proud of:

• Using all my thoughts to build an insightful essay. At first, I was overwhelmed by all the things I wanted to include from my brainstorm and wasn’t sure how to organize them in a logical way. I’m glad  I was able to make use of all my ideas.
• I learned a lot from writing this essay. I never thought about the effects of stereotypes in such a profound manner and am proud that I could use the evidence I was given to come up with a new insight.

2 things to improve:

• In-text citations: I would like to do some more research on this so that I can remember when to include time stamps and other details.
• Clarity. I spent a lot of time on my thesis but couldn’t quite find the perfect way to incorporate it. I also see how the part where I say, “[…] the opposite sides of their identity” could be confusing. That could definitely be reworded to something like “conflicting” or rewritten entirely.   🙂