Monthly Archives: April 2016

The Raxacoricofallapatorius Review: The Teenager

by Blon Fel-Fotch Passameer (Alyson Young)

From April 15^th until the 20^th, I visited planet Earth to observe the average teenager of 2016. Borrowing the skin of one of the young inhabitants, I disguised myself as a human and enrolled at “Riverside Secondary School”.

After having attended several classes, I observed that the teenagers were somewhat anaesthetised. Clearly they found the material infantile, as I did; otherwise, why wouldn’t they want to learn? The few that did pay attention were obviously the imbeciles who knew little about the subjects.

On April 17^th, a group of teenagers insisted that I come to a party in the evening. Upon arriving at the party, I overheard a male exclaim that his parents “sucked.”. He released his emotions through venomous words and angry gestures. Other teenagers comforted the first one, reassuring him that “tonight they could forget all about this,” passing him a glass bottle and a small roll of burning paper. These appeared to be mind-erasing devices, rather advanced technology for such an underdeveloped society.

The device appeared to have malfunctioned. The distressed teenager began laughing and doing an odd dance. I never did get a clear understanding of what a “whip” was. As the night progressed, the devices evoked truths. Other stressors were later revealed: social anxieties and difficulties with education. The teenagers were not as intelligent as I had perceived.

There seemed to be several side affects from these mind erasing devices. The teenagers had no respect for the property in the household, and they began to speak a different language. One teenager approached me to tell me my outfit was “on point”, but I reassured her there were no spikes protruding into my clothes.

At one point, a certain subject named Fred attempted to involve me in their strange ritual, pressing a concoction in my hand and saying, “Live in the moment!” I declined.

My trip to the planet Earth made me fear for the human race. Their dependence on mind-erasing technology is worrying, and their intellectual capabilities are limited. It would be best if the Slitheen race were to invade Earth and put an end to their miserable existence.